RNC: Happy Black Folks Smiling

Thanks to BMFM tipster “DeShawn” for clearing something up for me.

While watching the Republican National Convention on Thursday, I noticed some very happy black folks mixed into the video that unspooled before McCain’s speech. There was a nice couple on bikes, a mother and daughter…they all seemed so thrilled to be there. I felt a deep sense of gratification that these brothers and sisters had agreed to have their pictures taken in support of McCain and the Republican Party.

When I checked my inbox after work today, I was directed to the source of these pictures. Apparently they were purchased from istockphoto.com for $20 a pop.

Needless to say, I felt a bit ripped off. Are black Republicans such rare creatures that the GOP had to…uh…buy some? To add insult to injury, I gave $50 to the McCain campaign in August. If I’d known that I could have just taken a couple photos of myself and donated $10 instead…

6 Comments

Filed under September 2008

The Hockey Mom Who Could be President

Sarah Palin punked me.

At first, all I saw was the glaring lack of experience. Then it was the hypocritical and deeply uncomfortable family “situation.” I was confused, almost reeling, and I made my judgment. Then this woman walked out on stage and blew the room away. All those who didn’t understand why she was on the ticket (including myself) suddenly got it. This is the future of the Republican Party.

Elections are won and lost in this country based on a candidate’s appeal to uneducated rural Christian voters. There is no other factor. Sarah Palin proved tonight that she can speak directly to the country’s most crucial electoral group in their own language. She took a situation that would sink anyone else and miraculously made it work for her. She has the timing, the delivery and the familiarity to make millions feel that they have someone just like them in the White House.

Democrats lost in 2000 and 2004 because Al Gore and John Kerry did not know how to effectively communicate with these voters. John McCain can’t really do it either, but his service and dedication to country more than make up for it. This woman does it with an ease that makes all those who came before her look like rank amateurs. Make no mistake, Democrats around the country watched this speech streamed live on their MacBooks tonight and felt the first icy wind of defeat, like that wisp of winter that hits you when the leaves are still falling. All but the most stubborn of them know she is NOT to be underestimated. In fact, she is to be feared.

Barring any unforeseen surprises, Sarah Palin will be the Republican Nominee for President in 2012. That will happen whether John McCain wins or not. This woman has every appeal of George W. Bush and a great many things more.

The Hockey Mom just might be President someday. Do I like what that says about America? I don’t know. But it sure as hell makes it interesting.

56 Comments

Filed under September 2008

Palin Family Values: Thoughts From A Confused Conservative

This is a strange time to be a Republican. Am I just supposed to be cool with all this? Should I now recalibrate my family values to adjust for this unfortunate mess? Is teen pregnancy now just a sign of “An American Family?” Is the desire to secede from the United States now a sign of patriotism? What the hell is going on here?

First of all, I don’t want to hear from anyone that “Sarah Palin’s family should be off limits”. This isn’t about Bristol Palin or Trig Palin or Earwax Palin or Mack Truck or whatever the hell the other ones are called. This is about the judgement, the beliefs and the managerial style of the woman who could be President of the United States. I see no reason to be polite. I think Palin’s decision to drag her daughter’s teen pregnancy into the international spotlight is not just ill-considered, it is morally bankrupt.

And the story just gets creepier by the minute. So Bristol wasn’t pregnant last winter, but she is NOW? Did she get knocked up while she had mono? Was her mother so irresponsible that her daughter was having unprotected sex while bedridden with an infectious disease? Does this dude, who proclaimed not only that he doesn’t want kids but “Ya f – – – with me I’ll kick [your] ass”…really want to marry her? Are these the kinds of marriages that are supposed to build strong families? My head is spinning.

I’m a Republican because this party supports my beliefs: personal accountability, family values, country first. But now that same party is telling me that while those things are still important, they don’t mean what I thought they meant.

We are being mocked the world over. Our pundits are being laughed off every major news network for their inability to make a clear argument in favor of this decision. Can you blame the poor bastards? YOU go out and explain why Sarah Palin is the most qualified Republican for the job. (And no, you can’t say it’s because she sold a state government plane on EBay.)

I never thought I’d say it, but my vote is on the line. This choice is not aging like a fine wine, it’s molding like sour cream in the sun. DROP SARAH PALIN NOW. Send her back to Alaska and reclaim our values as conservatives and as Christians. A family is made up of a man and a woman who love each other, not a teenage girl and a douchebag, one of whom thinks she’s in love because she’s a child and the other who doesn’t give a rat’s ass because he only wants to ” hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- – – and just f – – -in’ chill I guess.” The fact that this poor girl has been forced by her mother to eschew birth control and then “take responsibility for the consequences” is not good parenting. It’s child abuse.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I love my country and my party, and both are swirling down the toilet in front of my eyes. John McCain, I’m giving you a do-over. Call Kay Bailey Hutchinson. Call Elizabeth Dole. Hell, call Olympia Snowe. But run from these rednecks like the plague. If we keep walking this path, the next State of the Union will involve a joint session of Congress screaming “Jer-ry! Jer-ry!”

This nightmare has to end.

39 Comments

Filed under September 2008

If Sarah Palin Lied, We Must Revolt

I, like many of you, have seen the rumors on the internet about Sarah Palin faking a pregnancy to cover for her 16-year-old daughter. The facts are that Bristol Palin left school for 4-5 months last winter with “mono” while her mother announced her own pregnancy at 7 months, to the shock of everyone who worked with her on a daily basis, who “had no idea she was pregnant”. Coincidence? It better be.

This sounds like a conspiracy theory, mostly because it’s unthinkable that John McCain could have missed this in the vetting process. But I looked at the photos, and Bristol gained a lot of weight last winter for a girl with “mono”. Then I watched those photos magically disappear. I watched some videos, then watched those videos get scrubbed from their host sites. I cringed as I read the account of Sarah flying from Texas to Alaska after her water broke with a premature baby who they already knew had Downs Syndrome. That would be irresponsible on its own, but in light of this? Why, if there is no story here, would Vogue take her photo shoot (featuring a trim and toned Palin, six months “pregnant”) off their website? That felt remarkably similar to the disappearance of Rielle Hunter’s campaign videos last fall.

Obviously, if true, this represents political hari kari on many levels. Sarah Palin believes that all birth control should be verboten, even among married couples. For her to give the rest of America a window on how that kind of policy actually plays out in practice…well, you do the math. But this is about more than that. This is about a woman making a conscious decision–if this is true–to risk shaming her daughter on a national level for her own political gain. The embarrassment that Bristol Palin will be forced to endure if her mother lied to her constituents and the country about being the mother of young Trig will be life shattering. Sarah Palin had a choice to accept that VP nod. If she had politely said no, her daughter’s personal struggle would not have been broadcast to the world. To knowingly walk one’s family off a cliff is a lapse of judgment that would make John Edwards throw up in his mouth.

I don’t want this story to be true. But somebody needs to find out immediately if it is. And I mean before Wednesday. If it is false, I will thank God and apologize for ever doubting the integrity and honesty of Alaska’s Governor. But if it happened, and this woman lied to John McCain about it, we need to send her back to Alaska IMMEDIATELY.  McCain can still correct this mistake. He can claim he was misled (which of course he was) and America will give him a do-over. We are a forgiving people. Try us.

If we confirm Sarah Palin as our Vice Presidential Candidate on Wednesday and someone finds a forged birth certificate, or a student at poor Bristol’s high school with an iPhone, or a doctor who wants to blow the whistle on the whole thing…Armaggeddon, people. There are laws that will have been broken. Christ, the woman could go to prison just for lying to the IRS about the dependency status of the child. Fellow conservatives, ASK THE QUESTION. Get her on the record. Plaster that birth certificate all over the evening news just to end it. This election is too important to be lost for this. The fate of our country hangs in the balance.

I wasn’t thrilled with the Palin choice, but I trust John McCain. If he says this is the right way to go, I’m still with him. But if there’s something under this rock and we look the other way, we risk disaster.

So let’s be impolite. Before it’s too late.

38 Comments

Filed under August 2008

In Panic, McCain Grabs Closest Uterus

I am a proud Republican. I have no desire to question the wise elders of my party. And don’t get me wrong. I love white women. Love them. But this is not what I signed up for. We had a rock solid argument against Barack Obama. He wasn’t ready to lead. He had only been in the Senate 3 years. He had no discernible foreign policy experience. These were valid points. And today we threw them all out the window for some hot white Christian ass. (Okay, it does sound like a good decision when you put it like that.)

I’m not going to throw stones from my glass house. I’ve made mistakes in my life, on more than one occasion involving hot white Christian ass. But this is ridiculous. They are laughing at us. They are calling this campaign a joke. How, Mr. McCain, in all your infinite wisdom and experience, could you hang your supporters out to dry like this?

To be fair, I deeply respect that Ms. Palin played women’s basketball. It’s a truly exciting sport and I am consistently shocked by how easy it is to get tickets. But that’s where my respect ends. Sarah Palin is not the most qualified Republican available. She’s not even the most qualified woman available to Republicans. She is just a woman, which I guess is all John McCain needed. Way to demonstrate judgement, Capn’. This election was just forfeited as easily as a kids soccer game, and we didn’t even get orange slices.

Ann Coulter, if you’re reading this, track down Ms. Palin and school her pygmalion-style. Make her paint the fence and wax cars. Hop in her backpack and train the bitch like Yoda.

Help us, Ann. You are our only hope.

13 Comments

Filed under August 2008

Brothers, We Are Not Alone

Big ups to the National Black Republican Association for courageously erecting more than 50 Martin Luther King Was A Republican billboards in Denver. This must have cost a fortune, so please head over to their website (www.nbra.com) and make a donation.

As for the commenter who snidely suggested that I am the only black Republican in America, consider yourself served.

10 Comments

Filed under August 2008

John Edwards: The Michael Phelps of Douchebags

As we head into the DNC, I’d like to take a brief moment to talk about a man we won’t be hearing much from in the coming days. I won’t recount the sordid details of his story–anyone savvy enough to find this blog is familiar with the amoral fantasia this man has been living in. But I think it’s worth pointing out that he has changed the game in unexpected ways. For the first time in ages, we have a bi-partisan issue that we can all agree on: John Edwards is the Michael Phelps of Douchebags.

I think it’s fair to say we’ve been living in a Golden Age of Douchebaggery. Bill Clinton getting a BJ in the Oval Office (sloppy, but understandable–Lewinsky did have dat ass). Larry Craig trolling for cock in an airport bathroom (embarrassing, but forgivable–the man loves cock, sue him.) But this guy has eight gold medals around his neck, and they’re getting heavier by the minute.

As Mr. Edwards watches his pledged delegates slip in through the back door of the Pepsi Center this week with paper bags securely over their heads, I hope he fully understands the damage he has done to his party. Up until early August, it was a valid argument to suggest that Republicans were too burdened with sex scandals to have any moral ground to stand on. When Ted Haggard lied through his teeth about gobbling dick for meth, I didn’t think it was possible for conservatives to ever recover their pole position on family values. But Edwards has proved that Democrats are every bit as capable of cheating on their sick wives as Republicans. He even made it look easy.

For those who would accuse me of going against my own call to elevate the discourse here, know that I bring this up in the spirit of unity. We’re even now. It’s official: Liberals are every bit as capable of mind-blowing douchebaggery as Conservatives. This has even eclipsed the Republican in Florida who claimed he was “hiding” in that rest stop bathroom because there were black folks around. I didn’t think it was possible, but John Edwards has returned balance to the force.

In light of this, I’d like to ask that both sides check their moral high ground at the door and focus on the issues for the duration. This can be a cathartic moment. A great equalizer. So let us all join hands, raise our eyes to the heavens and say it together, as One America: John Edwards is the Michael Phelps of Douchebags.

Then let’s go have a real election.

1 Comment

Filed under August 2008